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Big Fish "Lincoln" Movie Review

4/14/2013

 
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Every now and again we watch a movie, see - always at home - as Abraham Lincoln hisself did!!
Oy refuse to pay $15 for 10 cents worth of pop and 5 cents worth of corn seed.
Anyway, last night we tuned in see Daniel Day Lewises rendition of the long laconic Illini.
Any American movie that starts out with about the most significant historical event - in this case the Gettysburg Address - can only go downhill from there, biy. And dis one, well, it falls faster and plops harder den a dead chicken when it hits a high rise condo window.
Stephen Spielbird made this turkey and dis boat don't float.
It's dreary, biy. Filmed in sepia which made everyone look sad, and dat Sally Fields, well I was surprised she didn't get picked up by a gale with the size of her dresses - like when she was a nun.
Everybuddy tends to walk around with a constipated expression and there's a lotta screachin'. But da ting dat most got me was Lincoln's voice, biy. It sorta exorsisted me. For a few hours after I talked jest like Abraham Lincoln... Dat mid-western mono-tonal voice took me over. Drove da missus mad. Tankfully, though, I fell asleep and so far today it ain't come back.
But after an hour or so, it finally got to da point, where we turned it off or I woulda gut somebuddy to shoot me wit a small caliber pistol, just below moy left ear, jist like Honest Abe hisself.




Smart Storms Threaten Very Survival, Says UN and Scientists.

4/12/2013

 
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Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid.
"Don't think this storm is normal weather, it's caused by human greed and not sending us more money." So says Rudolph Darednosrander, head of the UN's IPSS (International Panel on Smart Storms). "These storms hide behind mountains and trees and come in at night when everyone is asleep, hoping that we don't notice."
Michelle Womann, famed climate scientist from Musket Senior High School in Philadelphia, said, "We've been aware of these coming for decades, it was only a matter of time. We've measured leaves in my back yard for over three months and these storms are unprecedented in history."
(c) Brian Lloyd French - may be used for any non-commercial purpose with approriate attribution.

A Plumber and a Parrot

4/4/2013

 
My recent recollection of the Neddy story noted previously has caused me to recall more events of those halcyon days and, more stories from the same source as the one prior.
It was a Neddy story, but for a change, it wasn't about him.
It seems this old sea Captain in St. John's (apostrophe required and pronounced Saint Jahn's) had a parrot who was a bit of a mimic, but not exceptional. Evidently it took dozens and dozens and dozens of repetitions to get him to pick up on even the most basic phrases.
Well, it seems the Captain, we'll call him George (or Jarge if you prefer), didn't have a telephone and didn't like visitors, especially since most were from the finance.
He got to thinking one time when he was at a buddy's place and he saw this machine answer the phone when it rang. And he figgered, now, 'I can get dat parrot to be moy door answerin' machine, so whenever anyone comes to the door, they'll be greeted but it won't be by me.' 
So he trained the little bastard, knocking on the door and getting the parrot to ask who it was. And after a few days, the bird caught on and when someone knocked on the door, he'd chirp out: "Who is it?" And the Captain would peer around the corner to see who it was.
Well this one time the Captain had to go into town, but he had a plugged pipe in the toilet and he had to get it fixed. So he arranged for the local plumber to come up and do it. But when the day came, the Captain forgot and left home for the day.
The plumber showed up as promised and knocked on the door.
"Who is it?"
"It's the plumber, I came to fix the pipes."
"Who is it?"
"It's the plumber, I came to fix the pipes."
"Who is it?"
And this went on for hours, the plumber figgering he's getting paid by the hour didn't mind too much. At least at first.
"It's the plumber, I came to fix the pipes."
"Who is it?"
Finally, the plumber got frustrated and kicked in the door, and had a heart attack and fell down dead as a doorstop.
Meanwhile, the Captain arrived back, saw the body on his doorstep and said, "Who is it?"
And the parrot replied, "It's the plumber, he came to fix the pipes."
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